This very moment I’m sitting over a rock looking over a majestic view of an amazing lake surrounded by tall pine trees. We’re at the top of Boulder Mountain and it is breathtakingly beautiful. The air is thin and frigid.
To be honest, this journey is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I’m not in the best physical shape so it’s been a huge struggle.
But mostly my way of thinking is changed.
From day one I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. My pack was just way too heavy. I just couldn’t carry it. I was planning on depending on God the whole time, but the strangest thing has happened. I saw the body of Christ come together and help me. The whole team would take turns carrying my pack while carrying theirs.
I was shocked. I felt totally unworthy of such a sacrifice; especially from people I barely knew. No one complained; they even said it was an honor to help me.
I grew up learning very quickly not to depend on other people. So I ended up feeling like a burden, a pain in the neck, the weak one. But the Lord has shown me I am not. Even if I seem weak on the outside, that’s not who I am.
My spirit is strong. I have God living inside me.
My thinking was messed up. My thoughts were, "I can’t do this. It’s too hard. I’m a burden." At that point I wasn’t leaning on the Lord for His strength. I was trying to do it on my own and I failed. I actually took God’s glory away because I didn’t press into him. His strength is perfected in weakness.
I’m worthy because God says I am. He doesn’t see me with all the stains I think I have. He sees me as the pure spotless bride; perfect without blemish.
I’m taking steps to see that as well.
My whole life I’ve looked down on myself. Always was comparing myself to others. Not thanking Him enough. If only I had that person’s talent, God would delight in me. Not true. He loves me for me. He created me.
Seeing yourself through God’s eyes changes everything. Not depending on yourself, but leaning on the Lord's strength is what it’s all about. That’s how nations are touched with his pure love – when we get out of the way and let God love us, it changes the whole world.
I could never get this revelation without spending intimate time with the Father.
I still don’t know anything about anything, but the Lord promised me that He would be my counselor.
Psalm 32:8. He just wants me to let go; take a giant leap and He will catch me.
He also gave me a verse in Song of Solomon 8:6 & 7 and He said that he wanted to put a seal on my heart for Him and this is my next step.
Thank you for your prayers,
Erin
